I had started a piece titled Stuck, but have decided to shift that sentiment. And so, I’ll say I’m Paused.
Given the privileges I enjoy in life, I can hardly call myself stuck. That doesn’t mean that hurdles don’t appear in the path I’d like to travel. Some of those can be leapt right over, and some require a detour around, but it occurs to me that there are times to pause—to consider the nature of the hurdle, and the way over or around. Or even to consider whether changing course all together is what I want, or need, to do.
So I am paused.
One place I’m paused is aboard Kagán. Most of the summer, we have been trying to find, and fix, an intermittent problem starting her engine. Hence, being stuck—in port. Twice we thought we had the problem solved, only to have it recur. Twice this happened while we were safe at anchor or on a mooring buoy (and more times than I kept count of at the dock). So, we were not, thankfully, adrift after furling sails as the wind died in what can be the strong currents of our cruising grounds. Now, I know what our problem is, and I feel damned lucky that we were able to make it back to our home port of Friday Harbor safely.
The problem is salt water incursion into the engine, the death knell for a marine diesel. I will be leaping the hurdle of re-powering Kagán (indeed, a long series of hurdles) during the off-season. I only paused a few moments to consider my course of action, as the desire to continue adventuring on Kagán still beats in my heart. When this race has been run (thank you for indulging me the metaphor—I ran the hurdles in college, and it feels apt), Kagán will be a more dependable boat, and therefore a safer one. I believe my re-powered boat will empower me as her skipper.
As for the other hurdles that have popped up in my path—life feels a bit like a Whack-A-Mole game these days—I’m paused. Considering.
Are you stuck, paused, or full speed ahead? What are you considering during the waning days of summer?
Good luck with all the engine repairs! Sending speedy and smooth thoughts your way!
I love that distinction, Deb. “Stuck” is so negative; “paused” becomes purposeful. I can think of several ways to apply that to this precise moment in time… Thank you!
Oh, dear Deb. So sorry! Kagán has been so dependable for so long. I guess a glitch now and then can be expected, even if it’s a BIG glitch. So pausing is understandable, and just one more of the opportunities for you to reflect on the remarkable life you have been allowed, constructed, and continue to live. Thanks for sharing both the rewards and the challenges.
I admire your discernment, pausing, and perseverance.
One of my yoga teachers says that when challenges arise, we “pivot.” I know this pause will allow you time to reflect and pivot in the direction that suits you best. Good luck!
Glad you have identified the engine problem without being paused out at sea. Know you are looking forward to having Kagán back up to speed for the next sailing season. Safe travels back to Placitas ❤️